


Vow Of Silence

by Anath_Tsurugi



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Anal Sex, Brainwashing, Coming Out, Dubious Consent, Five And One, M/M, Oral Sex, Period-Typical Homophobia, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:26:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anath_Tsurugi/pseuds/Anath_Tsurugi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Bucky and Steve had to be quiet during sex and one time they chose to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vow Of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> A little some something I wrote for a prompt over in capkink. I've never done 5 plus 1 fic before, so I thought I'd try my hand at it.

Steve wasn't really sure when it first started happening, but thought it was safe to say it had been going on for about two years now…about two years he'd been jacking off to the sound of his best friend having sex…

The orphanage they lived in had separate areas for boys and girls, but as nature will tell you, boys and girls will meet in the middle, and no amount of religion or authority is going to make that otherwise. The middle at the orphanage was The Broom Closet, and Bucky had first seen the inside of it when he was about fourteen…and Steve had gotten a little bit curious.

From time to time, whatever young couple was in the closet could be overheard from the dorms. That night, Steve had crept to the door for a quick listen, just to see if it was going well. Briefly, he'd heard Evelyn Kittridge's high, breathy gasps…but then he'd heard Bucky's voice.

"How's that, Evie? You like that?"

At the sound of his friend's heated voice, a lightning bolt of sensation had shot from his ears straight down to his groin, pushing him halfway to hard in just a few seconds. He'd actually gasped at the feeling, but it was the first and last time he'd made any sound when listening in.

He'd overheard people before and never reacted this way, and he was too scared to think about _why_ hearing Bucky like this got him so hot…so scared he didn't even try to question it for another two year. He just listened in, got himself off quick, and pretended to be asleep when Bucky came back. Tonight, the night of his sixteenth birthday, didn't seem like it would be any different…until he heard the name Bucky cried out.

" _Steve!_ "

Steve froze at this. Had…had he really just heard…?

Slowly, he climbed out of his cot, moving toward the nearby door, barely hearing the scuffle coming from the closet. He reached the dorm door just in time to see Sarah O'Connell burst out of the broom closet, still pulling on her dress.

"That's sick, Bucky! That's just _sick!_ " she hissed over her shoulder as she stormed back to the girl's dorm, leaving Bucky standing in the closet doorway with his trousers still half off.

Steve would never know what possessed Bucky to look in his direction just then, but he did…saw him standing in the doorway.

"You heard that," he whispered, the sound of it more deafening than if he'd shouted. Steve nodded. Bucky just scratched the back of his head, making no move to re-dress himself. "Well…that's the big secret of ladies' man James Buchanan Barnes. Every dame he's ever been with…he's dreamin' about someone else."

Slowly…hesitantly…Steve moved out into the half-light of the hallway, showing his best friend the tent he was pitching in his own trousers.

"Buck…me, too…me, too."

"Really?" Bucky asked, almost looking like he could cry…but then he swiped at his eyes and the look was gone. "Christ, Steve, why didn't you say anything?"

"You didn't say anything, either, you jerk."

For a moment, they both just stood where they were, neither really certain what to do now. Bucky was the one to finally hold a hand out to Steve…as if they'd just gotten out of another back alley scrape and he was helping him back to his feet…always there for each other…always together.

He didn't really need to think about it. When the hand was offered, he finally broke out of his daze and walked to Bucky, taking his hand and allowing him to pull him into his arms. Then Bucky's lips were on his, soft but insistent, just like in his fantasies.

It didn't take more than a few minutes of this kissing before their erections brushed together, causing Steve to gasp rather loudly, the sound barely contained by Bucky's mouth.

"Do…do you wanna…try it?" Bucky whispered. His breath was hot against Steve's lips, but Steve could also hear the fear in his words…the fear he'd still walk away…even now. He didn't, though. He practically pushed Bucky into the closet himself, breathlessly closing the door behind them. From that point on, Bucky took the lead.

Bucky eased him out of his clothing, and it wasn't long before the two of them were sprawled naked on the floor, brooms, dustpans, and other cleaning supplies knocked out of place all around them. Even though Steve had plenty of practice being quiet, this was a completely new experience, and he couldn't help the many small gasps and moans that escaped his throat as Bucky touched him all over with hands and lips.

"Shh…shh," Bucky whispered several times. "They might hear…"

Steve nodded, trying to make sure he had his mouth against Bucky's skin anytime he couldn't stop the sounds from escaping. With Bucky's talented hands working at him, it wasn't long before Steve was coming, his frail body spasming with the force of the orgasm. He actually had to bite down on Bucky's shoulder to keep from crying out.

Once he'd finished, his breathing was ragged and his body was trembling. Bucky tried to insist they were done and should head back to bed…that he didn't want to push Steve too hard this first time, but persuading him otherwise wasn't that much of a challenge once Steve got his hand wrapped around his still swollen cock. Bucky was back on him in seconds…and when he finally took him, it was like being torn open from behind…but it still felt _so good._ Steve had to bite down on his own arm to stop the scream that came.

When it was finally over, Bucky had to carry him back to the dorm, and he couldn't walk for the next few days, but no one found that particularly suspicious. After all, it wasn't at all unusual for Steve Rogers to be stuck in bed for several days on end. During that whole time, though, the two friends never once stopped smiling at each other.

XxX

The night Bucky returned home from basic training, he and Steve went at it like rabbits…horny little rabbits who hadn't seen each other in years.

"Mmph…mmph… _hot damn_ , I missed you," Bucky groaned softly as Steve ground against him, pressing sloppy kisses all along his face and neck.

"Shut up and do me, Barnes," Steve growled at him…which sounded amusing no matter how you sliced it.

Bucky chuckled quietly as he dug his fingers into Steve's hips. "Hush, Steve-o…don't want the neighbors to hear…"

"Let 'em hear," he panted harshly, his voice a little louder.

"Hey, no," Bucky said seriously, tightening his grip on his boyfriend and holding him still, looking him in the eye. "Don't talk like that."

The walls of their tiny apartment were, of course, paper thin, and several tenants had complained of the noise their first night. When the landlord had come to warn them about it, he'd eyed them both suspiciously, giving off the very distinct impression he'd turn them out if he found out what they were really doing. So they'd learned how to be quiet all over again, like when they'd still been in the orphanage.

Steve nodded, taking several deep breaths in order to calm his raging, reckless libido. Then he pushed Bucky back down on their bed and pressed his lips to his in a very deep kiss.

Bucky followed where Steve led, moaning softly at every brush of skin, every harsh or gentle press of lips. Even though he was normally the pitcher, he tended to let Steve take the lead during their foreplay.

"You ready?" he asked Steve breathlessly.

"Been ready for months," the blonde said, taking only a few moments to settle himself down on Bucky's slicked cock, and Bucky gasped in pleasure at the long absent sensation of being buried balls deep in Steve.

Even though they'd been doing this for years now, it never ceased to amaze Bucky how Steve could so easily take all of him in. Some of the girls who'd come before him hadn't even been able to do that. Even now, lying beneath him and watching him gyrate wildly above him, Bucky's eyes were blown wide with lust and amazement. As Steve continued his movements, Bucky's moans got progressively louder. Then, when Steve suddenly came, tightening around him as he spilled all over his stomach, he just couldn't hold it in anymore. Thrusting deep inside Steve, he came in a hot, heavy rush, stuffing a pillow in his face to muffle the half-scream that escaped his mouth.

Slowly, Steve collapsed on top of him and Bucky pulled him close against his chest, both of them trembling and drawing ragged breaths, Steve more so on both counts.

"You okay?" Bucky asked, lifting his head a little to look down at Steve, who nodded, snuggling a little closer.

"I could do this all night," he panted, though his skin was unsettlingly clammy and he was starting to cough quietly.

"Christ, Rogers," Bucky said softly, kissing the top of his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. "How the Hell'd I get you? How the fucking Hell did I get so lucky?"

"Same way _I_ got lucky, I guess," Steve said, smiling up at him with a hint of mischief in his eyes. "Here you are, God's gift to women, and you turn out to be a queer."

"Queer's a little strong. I'd say I was Steve-sexual," he teased, leaning down to kiss his lips.

_What the Hell am I gonna do without you?_

Halfway through the kiss, a horrible ache gripped the soldier's chest, leaving him nearly gasping with the weight of it. He hadn't really been apart from Steve since they were kids, and this…if he were honest with himself, he was probably heading off to die. What was Steve going to do without _him?_

Steve felt Bucky stiffen beneath him and broke off the kiss, propping himself up to look down at his lover.

"You okay?"

"I just got done missing you…and now I'm gonna have to go off and miss you again. Who knows for how long?"

"Hey," Steve soothed, sitting up on top of him again and reaching down to stroke his hair. "It's gonna be all right. All you have to do is stay safe 'til I get there. Then we'll give 'em Hell together."

"Steve-"

"I _will_ get there," Steve said, the usual fire burning in his blue eyes, even in the dim light.

"Yeah," Bucky said, reaching up a hand to lay on his cheek. "I'll be waiting for you, you stupid punk."

XxX

Five months, a couple of crazy doctors, and a super soldier serum changed everything. When Steve's blue eyes appeared to Bucky through the haze of his drug-addled mind, it took him several days of being on the move through enemy territory in order to be convinced he wasn't dead or dreaming, and even then…

Almost the moment they were back in Allied territory, Bucky was shipped back to London. By merit of being the only known survivor of HYDRA experimentation, he was "of interest" to the SSR. Steve followed, of course, and he would have whether there had been orders or not. After all, who was going to tell Captain America what to do?

As far as he knew, he wasn't of much help to the big wigs. He couldn't remember a whole lot from his time in isolation, and the things he _could_ remember were things he wasn't willing to discuss with _anyone_ apart from Steve, no matter what the circumstances.

After the intense rounds of testing and questioning, Bucky was feeling particularly leery of authority, which was why he was nearly horrified when Steve grabbed him and pulled him into an empty conference room in the bunker, locking the door behind them before half-slamming him up against a wall.

"Now?" Bucky moaned as Steve pressed several open-mouthed kisses to his neck. "You wanna do this _now? Here?_ "

"Couldn't wait anymore," Steve apologized, keeping him pinned against the wall. "I really…thought you were dead."

"What if…they _hear_ us?" he whispered, trying to protest, but unable to help offering up his neck to be kissed.

"Well…we're just gonna have to be quiet," Steve said, smiling down at him. _Down_ …Bucky didn't know if he would ever get used to it. Before, Steve would take the lead because he'd let him…now he really couldn't move. Steve had him pinned right where he wanted him, hastily unbuttoning his shirt and trailing searing kisses down his chest and stomach. As he undid his belt, Steve's lips hovered over the hemline of his pants, his breath hot and moist.

"Come…come on, you bastard," he hissed, already growing hard just from the teasing. "T-touch me…just…fucking… _touch me_ ," he begged…and Steve finally obliged, slipping his pants and briefs down around his knees as he fell to his knees himself, gently wrapping his lips around the already swollen head of Bucky's cock, slowly taking the length of it in and out of his mouth…down his _throat_ even…something he hadn't been able to do before.

Bucky could have easily come just like that, panting and writhing helplessly against the wall, fisting Steve's silken hair in desperate fingers as he went to town on him…but Steve didn't let him off that easily. When Bucky's cock was sufficiently slicked with his saliva, Steve climbed to his feet, quickly undoing his own belt as he moved.

Bucky had to admit he found the situation almost comical, even through his lust-filled haze. As he moved into position behind Steve, helping him slip out of his uniform jacket, he was once again reminded of the new height difference. Who would believe the sight of _him_ thrusting into Captain fucking America? Even so…they were still Steve and Bucky…and even grown, buff, _so_ powerful…Steve still moaned for him, still whined like a dog in heat, rutting helplessly against the hand Bucky had wrapped around his cock. Bucky came first, spilling inside Steve as he bit down hard on his shoulder to muffle his scream. Steve was coming into Bucky's hand not long after, biting into his own arm to quiet his own cries.

Finished, the two of them leaned heavily against the wall for several moments, trying to catch their breath. Bucky was the first one to back away, looking up to examine the bite mark he'd left on Steve's shoulder. It was even bleeding a little.

"Sorry," Bucky said, reaching up to touch the wound. Steve barely winced. "Guess you just…drove me a little crazy there."

"It's all right. It shouldn't take too long to heal up. I just-" Steve's voice died in his throat when he turned around to see Bucky licking his cum off of his fingers, grinning rather suggestively all the while.

"Don't want to be leaving any evidence," he reminded him, lapping up the last drops of cum before pulling up his pants and redoing his belt.

Amazed at himself, Steve could feel that he was already half-hard again. Not really thinking, he shoved Bucky over to the conference table, pushing him down onto the metal surface.

"I want you," he said with total certainty. "I want you right now, here on this God damn table."

"Again, Steve?" Bucky asked, pulling him forward to help him with his pants. "At least wait 'til we get to a damn room, you horny bastard."

XxX

"Ha…nngh…Buck…Bucky…I-I can't…"

"Jesus…fucking… _Christ_ …Steve…"

The harsh whispers scraped against skin in bursts of hot breath as their bodies moved together. Bucky had Steve pinned up against a tree, his legs wrapped securely around Bucky's waist as he thrust into his captain, almost viciously. There was frost on the ground, but neither really noticed it, lost in each other's heat as they were. Even though they had a perfectly suitable tent for this sort of thing, with the other commandos around, the risk of being overheard was just too great, no matter how good they'd become at keeping their romance a secret.

Steve barely felt the scrape of bark through the Captain America uniform. All he could feel was the join of his body and Bucky's.

"Mine," Bucky growled low in his ear, sucking greedily on the earlobe.

"Mm…oh… _yes_ ," Steve moaned quietly, reveling in the silent harshness of their lovemaking…this glorious ferocity they'd never shared before because of his frail body. If they could've, they would have filled the whole damn forest with the sound of it.

As Bucky continued to thrust, they shared several demanding, biting kisses, each muffling any sound the other made that risked becoming too loud.

"Come on…Captain," Bucky panted sharply, nearing his limit. "Lemme see you _come._ "

Two more thrusts and Steve was there, bursting messily between them with a sharp intake of breath, and as always, Bucky was close behind, filling his partner with his release…but then they both froze.

They heard it at the same time…footsteps moving through the dead leaves.

"Captain? Barnes?" Morita's voice called through the trees. On instinct, Steve curled close against Bucky in order to stay hidden, even though Bucky's body no longer did much to conceal him. He did try, though…kept Steve pinned to the tree and kept his body pressed firmly against his, hoping the darker colors of his uniform might conceal the lighter ones of Steve's in the dark.

For what felt like forever, they stood frozen against the tree, listening to Jim shout for them, barely breathing, praying to heaven not to be discovered.

_Not now…_ _**please** _ _…not now!_

Finally, the footsteps began to head off in the other direction. Neither dared to relax until the forest had fallen silent once more.

Shaking with relief and exhaustion, Bucky collapsed slowly to his knees, still cradling Steve in his arms. For a while, they just huddled there, holding each other and drawing shaky breaths.

"Do you think…maybe we should tell them?" Steve finally asked. Bucky shook his head almost immediately.

"If you were anyone else…it _might_ be okay. They _might_ be okay with it; we're…we're _brothers_ …us and the commandos…but you're not just anyone, Steve. You're _Captain America._ Nobody else can ever know about this."

Slowly, Steve nodded. "Yeah…you're right. They wouldn't understand."

Sometimes, they both felt certain the commandos knew, regardless, but the instinct to conceal what they shared was just too deeply ingrained. In many cases, it really was a matter of life and death. The army, for one, wouldn't be pleased if they found out. So they hid it, pretended they were only childhood friends. Bucky would pretend to chase skirt whenever they were off assignment and Steve pretended to nurse his crush on Peggy. He liked Peggy, cared about her very much, might have even been able to love her if Bucky hadn't gotten to him first, but there was no denying the facts. Bucky _owned_ him, body, heart, and soul…everything he was. He was Bucky's and Bucky was his.

_I am my beloved's and he is mine._

"Steve," Bucky began after a while. "You…you know I love you, right?"

"Yes," Steve said, refocusing his gaze on his partner, who wasn't quite looking at him. Instead, he was fiddling with the pocket watch he kept wrapped around his wrist…the one thing that had always been with him, even through the HYDRA facility…the place where he kept Steve's picture…pre-serum…the man he'd fallen in love with…and it was only in front of him that he allowed himself to look as vulnerable as he did right now.

"Buck, what…what is it?"

"If…if we could…would you?" he finally asked, looking up at him again.

Steve stared into Bucky's uncertain eyes for a long while before taking his hands in his, holding the watch between them…probably the only thing even _like_ jewelry they would ever share. Then he kissed his hands several times…kissed the watch…before holding them against his heart.

"Of _course_ I would," he said softly, holding Bucky's gaze. "I _do_."

The laugh that escaped the sergeant's mouth could have easily been a sob, but they had become very adept at making one thing look like another. Steve also laughed as Bucky flung his arms around him, planting a rather sloppy kiss on his lips.

XxX

Seventy years later and Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes were still keeping their silence.

Tony and Bruce had explained to Steve how Bucky had survived his fall…what had been done to him…and Natasha explained to him what he was…what he had become…that he _wasn't_ Bucky anymore…only the Winter Soldier remained…but Steve didn't really care for _any_ of their explanations. He didn't _care_ what any of them _thought_ they knew. They didn't know _anything._ They didn't know _Bucky!_ Bucky was _strong;_ he was _good_. He had always been there for him, super soldier or not.

Bucky…Bucky _loved_ him…had _always_ loved him. Could some crazy Russian scientist really change that? Could all his love really just be taken away like that?

No! He couldn't let himself believe that…and only Clint seemed to understand this.

" _Hey, if you think you can get him back…then you have to try. You have to fight for him…in a different kind of battle than you've ever fought. It's a battle for his_ _ **soul**_ _."_

The battle for Bucky's soul was what had landed him in his current predicament: captured and chained to a ceiling in an underground cell with the other Avengers in the next room over. He knew he could break these chains if he wanted to, but he _didn't_ want to. He _couldn't_ run away, not when he was so close to Bucky.

Then the door behind him hissed open and a voice began to speak…familiar…but also not…comfort and horror, salvation and damnation all in the same breath.

"They tell me Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes used to be in love," the cold voice said, creeping up his spine, but also pooling in his chest as warmth.

"Well…they're half wrong…if they're using the past tense. Steve Rogers is _still_ in love."

"And Bucky Barnes?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "But I've been _praying_ …every minute since I learned he was still alive…that he's still in love, too."

"And what god would hear a prayer for a creature as damned as Bucky Barnes?" he asked, finally stepping into Steve's view.

Steve had seen the Winter Soldier before now, of course, but it still struck him how different…and how the _same_ he still looked. He was darker and rougher…torn apart and sewn back together…but Bucky was still there, somehow…deep inside of him.

"We're all damned, Bucky."

The Soldier chuckled. "You might as well stop with the whole 'Bucky' thing. Bucky doesn't live here anymore."

"And what does…the Winter Soldier…think about Steve Rogers?"

"I'm not sure, yet. They told me you were supposed to be one of the best…yet I was able to capture you so easily."

"I came here for _you_. No other reason."

"So you _let_ me take you then?" the Soldier asked, a sneer working its way across his features. "You _want_ to be here…with me. Well…perhaps you ought to have a little something for your trouble, Captain."

Steve remained still as the Soldier approached him, as he pulled the cowl off his head…and as he wrapped his arms around him, pressing his lips harshly against his.

Steve couldn't help the groan that escaped him as his former lover moved sinuously against him, drawing him even deeper into the kiss. He couldn't help himself. It had just been too damn long since anyone had touched him like this. He wished so desperately that he could hold Bucky right now, run his fingers through his brown hair and tell him how much he loved him…how much he'd _missed_ him…that he'd been _dying_ without him.

But the Soldier didn't care about any of that. The sneer still present on his face as he pulled back made that perfectly plain.

"That's what we used to do, isn't it, Captain? Just like this," he mocked, reaching between his legs to cup the already obvious bulge he was sporting. Steve moaned quietly as he fondled it.

" _Yes_ ," he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut at the sensation.

"Tell me, _Steve_ ," the Soldier started as he moved back behind him, hands slipping furtively beneath the shirt of his uniform and reaching up to stroke his nipples, "is it still rape if you _want_ it?"

"I…I don't… _know_ ," the super soldier gasped, writhing slightly as the Soldier worked at him. Even now, after everything, Bucky still remembered where he was most sensitive. One hand slipped from his chest and down into his pants, teasingly stroking his erection, on the underside, just beneath the head, exactly where he liked it. It was a struggle not to come right there, it had been so long.

As he ground against him from behind, the Soldier pressed tiny kisses and tiny bites all over the back of his neck, and Steve moaned helplessly at the contact, his voice growing a little louder.

"Not too loud, Steve," the Soldier hissed in his ear as he continued his movements, driving Steve even closer to the edge. "We wouldn't want your new friends to overhear, now would we? After all…what would they _think_ of you?"

One final jerk of his cock and Steve was coming…and he had to resort to the old trick of biting into his own arm to stop his cry of bliss. After all, the Soldier was right. He _couldn't_ let the others hear this. He just _couldn't_. He would almost certainly be cast out…and if he lost Bucky now, he would have _no one_ in this miserable time.

"I hope you're not spent already, Captain," the Soldier whispered to him as he tore his pants open with one hand, "because we're only just getting started."

"I can…take anything you can dish out… _Bucky_ ," Steve panted, still trembling.

"Don't call me that!" the Soldier snarled, tearing into him from behind, his cock slicked with the fruits of Steve's own release.

Steve nearly bit through his tongue to keep from screaming. Just because he was lubricated didn't mean the sudden, violent penetration didn't hurt. That pain soon gave way to pleasure, though, because the Winter Soldier still possessed Bucky's knowledge of exactly what his body liked.

They went for several rounds like that, and Steve came no less than five times. It wasn't until the Soldier had wrung every drop of both bliss and agony from him…until he absolutely could not get it up a sixth time…that he finally backed away from him, leaving him hanging in his chains, completely spent and long past overused. With the way he trembled and struggled for breath, Steve almost felt like it was the old days again…pre-serum…that maybe none of it had ever happened and he and Bucky were still in their crappy little apartment and he'd just pushed himself a little too hard during sex.

But no. He was still Captain America, leader of the Avengers, and his enemy, the Winter Soldier, was standing in front of him, splattered with his cum in several places and looking disheveled and sated with sex…and still he sneered at him, _mocking_ him.

"I could get used to this, Captain…having you, willing, whenever I want," he said, lifting Steve's face for a small kiss. "Perhaps they'll just let me kill the others…and keep you around as a pet. After all, you're not going to run away. I can see that. You won't leave me…even if the man you loved _is_ dead."

Steve slumped in despair because he knew he had no argument. It was true. He could never leave Bucky nor hurt him…not after experiencing the trauma of watching him die once.

However, just as the Winter Soldier was moving to leave, Steve caught sight of something he hadn't noticed before…something wrapped around the wrist of his metal arm…a very old pocket watch.

"Oh, God," Steve whispered, his voice nearly broken. "You…you still have it."

"What?" the Soldier asked, raising his arm. "This? I've always had this. They say I killed the men who tried to take it from me…but I don't remember that far back. Why? Was it yours?"

Steve shook his head. "It's always been yours. It was your most…precious possession."

The Soldier snorted. "Bucky Barnes had poor taste, then. This is nothing but a broken watch."

"If it's broken, why do you keep it? Have you ever looked inside?" Steve asked, feeling hope stir in his heart all over again.

"No…why would I? It's broken," the Soldier protested, sounding uncertain for the first time.

"Maybe it is, but it still _means_ something. We made a promise on that watch, Buck. A _promise;_ and you still remember. I _know_ you do. All you need to do is open it."

For a moment, the Soldier's gaze darted between him and the watch. Briefly, his finger traced the air around the rusty unlocking mechanism…but then his features resolved themselves into a glare and he gripped the old watch in his hand, almost seeming like he meant to crush it, but not quite able to.

"It's just a game," he growled. "A trick to distract me."

"Buck-"

"Be quiet!" he shouted. "I am the Winter Soldier. Your Bucky is _dead!_ And I'll prove it tonight…when I destroy your precious Avengers in front of you," he declared before storming out of the cell.

"Bucky," Steve whispered, the tears he hadn't allowed himself before finally slipping from his eyes. "You're still there. I _know_ you are. You can't give up. You have to _fight!_ "

XxX

In the end, it _was_ the watch that brought Bucky Barnes back to himself. Steve would never know how he'd been so certain the picture would still be there, but in the heat of battle, he'd managed to tear the old timepiece open, revealing the hidden part of Bucky's heart to the Winter Soldier…the truest part of him…the one the scientists hadn't been able to take away from him…the old, yellowing picture of Steve Rogers…not a super soldier…not Captain America…just a skinny asthmatic art student who hadn't anything more in the world than a sketchbook, his nerve…and Bucky.

That one picture was all it took to unravel decades of conditioning, and their perfect Winter Soldier fell apart in a matter of moments. With him out of commission, the Avengers had been able to derail his masters. Bucky had tried to slip away during the fight, but Steve had caught him…admittedly, the only way he'd been able to hold onto him was to knock him out, but it was still better than nothing.

Bucky was under for about twenty-four hours and silent for several days following that, kept at Stark Tower, not necessarily under guard, but who in their right mind was going to sneak past the Avengers _and_ JARVIS?

More than Steve felt he could have hoped for, his comrades were all very sympathetic to his and Bucky's situation

"You could have just told us from the beginning," Natasha said with a roll of her eyes, ruffling his hair like a big sister would her kid brother. "Maybe it would have stopped Tony's quest to make sure Captain America didn't die a virgin."

"Hey, it was a noble quest," Tony protested. "How was I supposed to know I was shopping in the wrong equipment section? Capsicle, man, if you'd just said something, I'd have taken you to one of the guys in the strip club."

"It wouldn't have made any difference," Pepper scolded him, patting Steve's shoulder as he blushed furiously. "Steve's in love. He's not interested in seeing some stranger take his pants off."

"Besides, Stark, guess you kinda missed his meaning when he said he'd never slept with a woman," Clint said, having a good chuckle.

"It's a new world, Rogers," Bruce assured him. "Human beings can still be nasty creatures, but in this day and age, people are at least a little more accepting of all that. We're still working on it…but you don't have to hide it anymore."

"Yeah, you can have all the crazy, kinky man sex you want. I soundproofed this tower like I did for a reason. Just, y'know, don't break the furniture or anything."

"Tony!" If it was possible, the captain's face went even redder.

"Steve!"

"Steve?"

All of the Avengers looked up upon hearing the new voice. Bucky was standing in the doorway, eyes fixed on Steve.

"Can…can I talk to you?"

"Yes," Steve said, jumping up from the couch he was sitting on and going to him.

"Remember what I said, Miss America," Tony reminded him before the two disappeared. Steve led Bucky back to the room he'd been sleeping in, closing the door behind them, a force of habit, even now.

"All right," Steve began. "Let's talk."

"You should have…just killed me back there," Bucky said, not looking at him.

"What?"

"You have no idea what I've done…how many people I-"

"I know exactly what you've done, Buck. Natasha told me what happened. I've seen the reports. That…that was something _they_ did. You didn't choose it. You've just…been asleep for a long time…like I was."

"Well…I remember it…so it happened. At least you really _were_ asleep…Steve…nothing you can say can change what I've done," Bucky said, dropping onto his bed and burying his face in his hands in despair.

Again, Steve came to him. Bucky flinched when he placed a hand on his still flesh shoulder, but he didn't pull away. Steve took this as a good sign and began to rub his shoulder. "I don't need to change what happened. Nobody can do that. What I _need_ …is to get _you_ back."

Bucky's shoulders began to shake, either with laughter or with tears. "What? Can't let me go, Steve-o?"

"Could you? If it was me, could you?" Steve asked, sitting down beside him.

"To _save_ you? I-"

"Don't you _dare_ say yes," Steve nearly snarled. "You don't know that. You don't know what it's like…to watch the man you love slip through your fingers…to still be alive while he's _dead_. During the war…I was only without you a few days…and I honestly _wanted_ to die when I brought that plane down. I was _ready_ to be with you again…but then I woke up here…alone again…and it's been a year without you…and all that time I've been dead inside! Can you imagine how much that hurts?! To walk around…to eat, sleep, and breathe…to go on physically living…and to still be dead?! It _hurts_ , Bucky! It _fucking hurts!_ It's like having a huge fucking _hole_ in your heart that's always bleeding…always killing you…but you're still just _trapped!_ " He was shouting now, venting in a way he hadn't been able to vent to any of the S.H.I.E.L.D. psychologists Fury had assigned to him. No one had really been able to help him because nobody knew what he'd shared with Bucky. Nobody understood what he'd really lost. "Don't ask me to go through that again. Don't think I can kill you…leave you to die…and still survive it myself. You can ask me to do that after you've watched _me_ die. The only way I'm _ever_ letting go of you again…is if _I_ go with you. I _won't_ live without you; I can't do it."

Bucky drew a shuddering breath as he rested his head against Steve's shoulder. "God, Steve…I'm real sorry…for all the pain I've caused you…but can I really ask you…to stay awake at night with my nightmares…to be with _me_ …when you're _you_?"

Steve kissed the top of Bucky's head as tears squeezed from his eyes. "It doesn't matter if I have to deal with nightmares…with relapses. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. Whatever you need, I will do…because I love you. I love you…so much, Bucky…and I think it's time for everyone to know that."

The fall onto the sheets happened so naturally, neither was quite sure how it had happened. They were just holding each other, kissing, the occasional tugging of clothing…and suddenly they were lying naked on the bed, the press of skin against skin finally starting to thaw the two lovers after seventy dark, silent, frozen years.

This time, their lovemaking wasn't harsh or intense, as it had so often been between them, especially back during the war. This was soft and gentle. Delicate fingers and lips pressed soothingly against cold skin that had long forgotten the warm press of another body. As they moved together, their silence sang.

_I'm so cold…please…make me warm again._

Bucky lay beneath Steve…just breathing in and out…allowing him to take the lead, riding his cock with gentle, rolling motions…up and down…in and out…over and over again. Every soft gasp was a declaration…and every sigh of breath a promise.

_I love you. I'll never let you go again…not ever._

Bucky came first this time, spilling as deep inside Steve as he could. As the orgasm swept through him, his head fell back against the pillows, mouth falling open in a silent cry of ecstasy. The sight of Bucky's face as he came pushed Steve over the edge, as well. For several moments, his breathing escalated as his head also fell back. His moment of climax was punctuated by a small moment of silence followed by a shuddering gasp. For a tiny second, he was frozen there, held in the grip of his pleasure…but then it released him and he slowly collapsed on top of Bucky, gently pressing his lips to his, just about boneless with satiation. No more words were needed. They just held each other, trading sweet, tender kisses until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was the first real sleep either of them had had in seventy years. They slept for two days, as if sleeping off sickness. When they finally did emerge from Bucky's room, it was to discover that the other Avengers had thrown them an honest to God coming out party. Even after all his time with them, Steve still blushed furiously and Bucky had some 'getting used to' to do. It didn't really matter, though, because no matter what came their way, be it Hell or Avenger-made, they both knew they had finally come home.

**Author's Note:**

> Is it strange that I hear 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' during that last scene? Heheh…yeah. Also, I seem to have a bit of a head canon as far as that pocket watch goes. It's made an appearance in all of my Cap/Avengers stories so far and will probably continue to do so.


End file.
